Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Strip club operator floats sports bar-strip club hybrid; or where The Insider practices his double entendre skills

Strip club impresario and author Alan Markovitz is back on Detroit’s east side and like any leading businessman he’s looking to “shake things up” a bit.
Markovitz recently purchased the former Players topless bar on Eight Mile near Schoenherr, just across from Warren, with plans to create a combination sports bar/strip club.
We’re told the new facility would be titled Cheerleaders and staffed with young ladies in various stages of athletic undress. The club will be equipped with large-screen TVs for deluxe sports viewing.
Naked women and sports? One on hand, it sounds like peanut butter and jelly.
But upon deeper reflection, The Insider wonders if the two are really compatible. Where will customers settle their eyes during a particularly fetching number on stage when the Lions score a touchdown?
(Insert your own ‘that will never happen’ joke here. The Insider’s above it.)
In the same vein, will it seem creepy to high five a fellow patron, all the while wondering where those hands have been? The kind of language eruptions offered by The Insider’s coarser friends during grinding gridiron moments could also pose a problem.
“Kill him!” works much better at a sports bar than a strip club, for instance.
Exterior work on the building is currently under way and more enhancements to the interior are planned for the coming weeks. Cheerleaders is expected to open Sept. 1.
Markovitz, who formerly operated Tycoon’s on Eight Mile near Groesbeck Highway, owns several Penthouse Gentlemen’s Clubs and has been ranked by the Ultimate Strip Club List as one of the top ranked adult entertainment club owners in the country.
He also co-authored the 2009 book “Topless Prophet: The True Story of America’s Most Successful Gentlemen’s Club Entrepreneur,” which detailed the competition, corruption and celebrity side of the strip club industry and how he survived being shot twice in the  business.
Will his strip club/sports bar idea allow him to be the subject of the next book? Only time will tell. Until then, we’re titillated by the idea.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Hackel opts for the musical stylings of smooth jazz

The duly elected county executive is tasked with making plenty of calls on behalf of his constituents.
And he apparently takes this very seriously.
Leaving no decision-making stone unturned, Mark Hackel, who is still setting his administrative course in its first year of operation, took the time to decide what you'll listen to.
Jako van Blerk, project manager for Macomb County's Information Technology division, emailed employees a memo this week "per the executive office" informing them the county government’s telephone hold music would switch that night from classical to smooth rock.
Are you going to take this lying down, Macomb County? Kenny G on your time? 
The Insider worried it was noise pollution in the name of calming savage phone beasts.
Hmpf. We had to investigate further.
The Insider went undercover Friday afternoon, calling the county under the guise of journalism to sample the new sound.
What we heard was a funky guitar riff with a good beat. And honestly, it wasn't so bad. For some reason, the wait for a bureaucratic "no comment" from some office or another didn’t seem as frustrating. 
By the time The Insider's call met its intended recipient, his ire had calmed substantially. Well played, sir. Well played.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

NY Daily News: Man in 'surprisingly good spirits' after wife removes penis

This is the kind of story The Insider generally wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole. But the follow-up from the New York Daily News warrants attention.
It's one thing to lose one's nether regions to the vengeful knife of an ex-lover whilst drugged.
But to be cheery about it afterwards? Now, that's a story.
Here's the intro. Read the story in its entirety here.

LOS ANGELES - The husband whose wife allegedly cut off his penis and put it a garbage disposal was in "surprisingly good spirits" following surgery and claims he wasn't having an affair, a police source told the Daily News.
"Two veteran detectives interviewed him yesterday and were surprised at his demeanor. They said he was able to answer questions and was in surprisingly good spirits considering everything he's gone through," Lt. Jeff Nightengale of the Garden Grove Police Department said.
The unnamed 51-year-old victim was listed in "good" condition at the UC Irvine Medical Center late yesterday, a hospital spokesman said.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Grammar mistake leads to inadvertent hilarity

A Rochester Hills construction company may want to look into a copy editor for whomever it has writing edicts -- after one posting lead to inadvertent hilarity for the Insider.
A letter posted at more than 400 units at Colony Condominiums in Clinton Township, near Macomb Community College’s Center Campus by Butcher & Baecker Construction, warned people to stop dumping regular garbage into huge bins designated for old shingles and other recyclable material.
Those poor authority figures probably had no idea they were to be disposed of.
The misstatement was laughingly pointed out by Macomb Daily reader and Colony resident Will Kenward.
“I thought you might find a reason to smile” at the gaffe, he wrote.
We did.
Now we're off to grab a dolly and track down some of those personnel for disposal.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Warren fire commissioner melts away

Warren firefighters and other city workers are seeing a lot less of Fire Commissioner Wilburt “Skip” McAdams these days.
He's melting! He's melting!
And that’s a good thing for the city’s 51-year-old top fire administrator, who has lost 85 pounds since January.
Under doctor’s orders to shed weight, he has extinguished fast food and his entire daily diet and exercise regimen consists of only two Slim-Fast shakes, two pieces of fruit, a Lean Cuisine meal and five miles of walking. 
Currently at 295 pounds, McAdams said he hopes to drop to between 200 and 220 pounds.
“I never believed that stuff, ‘When you lose weight, you feel better,’” he said. “I do feel better.”
Mayor James Fouts, who jogs five to six miles a day, called his Fire Department appointee “the increasingly disappearing fire commissioner.”

Friday, June 24, 2011

Hackel jumps at chance to skydive

Moments after County Executive Mark Hackel safely hit the ground from his sky dive at Selfridge Air National Guard Base, he was on the telephone to his top deputy, Mark Deldin.
“He said, ‘You must be OK. I was praying your chute would open,’” Hackel laughed.
But Hackel was suspicious about Deldin’s intent. Deldin was sitting in his Hackel’s office, apparently ready to take over Macomb County government if Hackel’s dive failed.
“I said, ‘Yeah, now get out of my office,’” the executive smirked.
Hackel was among several notables to participate in a tandem parachute jump with members of the of the U.S. Army’s Golden Knights, which operates out of Fort Bragg, N.C. Others include Oakland County Sheriff Michael Bouchard and Ron English, the Eastern Michigan University football coach.
A video of Hackel’s jump can be found on In the video, Hackel seems about as stressed as the Insider gets while heading to a favorite watering hole. That's to say he was relaxed.
“Everyone kept asking me, ‘Are you nervous,’” he said. “I said, ‘no,’ but then I started wondering, ‘Should I be nervous?’
“I’ve never had a fear of heights or anything like that. The only thing like that that bothers me is needles and shots. I hate getting a shot.”
Regarding the dive itself, Hackel called it “incredible” and “loud.”
“You could see for miles.”
With a good view of the Lake St. Clair shores, the Insider speculates that he sure went extremes to scout potential new locations for a lake shore casino or hotel.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Fouts wins birthdate dispute. Who loses?

The Insider has to take his hat off to Warren Mayor Jim Fouts after the old guy, er, young guy, beat a political opponent's attempt to force him to release his birth date.
Macomb Daily staffer Jamie Cook followed the news when the state Court of Appeals ruled in favor of  Fouts, unanimously upholding most of a local judge’s ruling. It means Fouts and candidate Kathleen Schneeberger’s names will remain on the ballot for the Aug. 2 primary, unless there is a successful state Supreme Court appeal.
Fouts said Thursday he was pleased with the ruling because it blocked an attempt to “hijack the election” and supports his “fight against ageism.”
“This was an attempt to hijack the election of 2011 and prevent the voters from having a choice in the 2011 election,” Fouts told Macomb Daily. “The ruling means that age can never be used as a weapon, a weapon of mass destruction, against a candidate. Whatever my age is, is irrelevant. I meet the qualifications to run as a candidate.”
So you go, Mr. Fouts for fending off that weapon of mass destruction with the skill of a young champion.